-:FUNNY:-
-:PROFESSIONS:-
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "
She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
-:BAR JOKES:-
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The barman says, "No, this is a bar, we don't have bread."
So the duck says, "Got any bread?"
The barman says, "No, this is a bar, we don't have bread. I told you that."
"Got any bread?" asks the duck.
"No, we don't sell bread here... and if you say that again i will nail you to the table!!!!"
The duck pauses then says, "Got any nails?"
"No," sighs the barman.
So the duck says..."Got any bread?"
-:VIEW OF GREATEST PERSONALITIES ON "MARRIAGE":-
1. "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards."
2. "Marriage isn't a word.....it's a sentence."
-Unknown Authore.
3. "In order to be happy with a man, you must understand him more and love
him a little. To be happy with a women you must love her a lot and not
try to understand her at all." -Unknown Authore.
4. "Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the
whole girl."
5. "Before marriage a man will lie awake all night thinking about something
you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it."
-Helen Roland
-:CINEMA TICKET:-
A man appeared at the box office of a cinema and bought two tickets. A few minutes later he returned and bought two more. When, after a short interval, he appeared a third time and offered to pay for two more, the ticket-seller opened the little door in the glass and spoke up. 'Aren't you the same gentleman who just bought two tickets and two others just a while ago?' she asked, puzzled. 'Yes,' replied Banta Singh plaintively, 'but there's some fool at the gate who keeps tearing them up!'
-:GOLF THINGS THAT SOUNDS DIRTY BUT AREN'T:-
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent.
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
-:A LITTLE GIRL WALKING HOME FROM SCHOOL:-
A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.
The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"
-:GROUP THERAPY SESSION:-
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
-:FINAL CONTDOWN:-
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"
"Nine..."
-:SON OF A BITCH:-
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
-:SHORTCUT JOKES:-
1) Father: "Idiot. How dare you scold your mother?"
Son: "Don't feel Jealous, since you can't do that".
2) Old woman : "Doctor I have severe pain in my right leg".
Doctor : "That is due to old age".
Old women : "But both of my legs are of the same age".
Doctor : ?!
3) Teacher : "Why is honesty the best policy?"
Student : "Becase there is hardly any competition".
4) Nurse : "Wake up man"
Patient : "Why what's the matter"
Nurse : "Nothing, I Just forgot to give the prescribed sleeping pills".
5) Teacher : "What is the best way to prevent milk from getting sour?"
Student : " The best way is to leave it in the cow itself."
Student : " The best way is to leave it in the cow itself."
CITY OF JOKES:-3
-:THE TRAINEE:-
A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shots into the phone-"Get
me a coffee,quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong
extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No,"replied the trainee.
"Its the CEO of the company, yo fool!"
The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to,you fool?!"
"No."replied the CEO indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.
-:SANTA-BANTA:-
SANTA: Wow Banta,Where did you get the cycle, from?BANTA: I was walking on the highway when a beautiful lady came in the cycle and asked me-"want a ride Mr. Singh?" I hoped in, and she took me to the woods. Once in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr. Singh. take anything"
Santa is quit excited and asks "What did you do Banta?"
BANTA: I took the cycle.
SANTA: good show - you wouldn't have fit into her clothes!
Here you will find lots of funny jokes updated everyday and with different contents.I wish you will like them to the level of your satisfaction and post your views. You are also welcome to ask for the jokes of your taste and i promise to fulfill your content.So have lots of fun and just enjoy.
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